How To Be A Dom Over Text

Are you wondering how to be a dom over text?

I just spent the last 10 minutes getting yelled at by some lady for putting 2 olives in her martini instead of 3. I keep my cool and step outside for a shot and a smoke. I got on my phone to text my Madame since she occasionally stops in the bar and has a beer and a quick shot with me, before heading home. I slam down my shot and head back inside, with crazy sexual tension. Another text message comes through…

Excuse me? I seriously glitched and gave myself a little smack in the face. I had a job to do, this sexual tension is about to snap. It is surprisingly easy to step away from the bar when I make the barback my little bitch and they know the routine. I need a few minutes (rarely more than 10) to take care of my queen. 


What is Dom in Text?

Talking dirty in text messaging is cringe when it isn’t done right, and almost everyone doesn’t do it right. No, even if we are married or started dating a few months ago, I DO NOT want to be surprised with a dick/clit pic with no warning. My best advice is to never send an illicit picture without any heads-up. 

The texts that we send back and forth are usually a demand/command  and a provide/complete disciplined tone. Some dom and sub relationships can include more punishing details. So, if you find that you and your sub don’t usually use dirty talk during play, sending a dirty text is probably not the best way to start. It’s slightly hard to believe that a dom/sub relationship has yet to involve an element of nasty words. 


How to Be A Dom Over Text ?

how to be a dom over text

On your way home from work. Out with friends. In front of family. During a meeting. First thing in the morning. When you are living the BDSM lifestyle and not just using it as foreplay, roles remain the same in all situations. Communicating the punishment for the sub if the dom’s requests are not filled, is a good first step.

I suggest using a separate messaging app or service for your kinky texting. Private pictures and details should be separate from your day-to-day messaging app. There are many extremes, specific kinks, and fetishes throughout this community that can benefit from the discipline and obedient elements displayed in text. 

We are all here for the “how” part of texting your sub. If you are struggling to curate the perfect texts to get your sub on their knees… just know, your sub is craving your control. The sexual tension and confidence boost they receive from obeying their master. 

From my life: A sub of mine had a findom fetish. I was in control of every penny she could earn and spend. I gave her a demand to go buy me some lingerie (meaning: you wear it, I ruin it on your body) Good girl was gone for 3 hours and when I checked my account balance, she was at $350. I would have let her spend 1k if she wanted to. But, chose to shut off the card and order her home immediately. 

That’s what she likes and I, in the dom role, get pleasure from giving her fetish pleasure. Yes, the lingerie was *chef’s kiss*


Punishment Ideas Over Text

I found that it was easier for me to talk dirty when I did it through text first. Communication can be a little rushed sometimes, especially when in the moment. Take advantage of laying out certain rules in writing by texting and keeping yourself updated on both of your consented kinks. The punishment you are messaging to your sub should be along the same tone as your voice together. 

Starting first thing in the morning, texting your sub “go to the bathroom right now and send me a picture of how wet you are”. Demanding proof of your request should be obeyed by your sub, and if not, they should be punished. “You can let your creativity stretch out and bring out new fetish suggestions easier. Send your sub a dirty XXX video of what you have in mind and want to try. Your sub can find it easier to be introduced to a new fetish this way. “Watch this whole video, I need to torture you like that.” 


The Benefit of A Dom Over Text 

I find that this is a perfect way to initiate your role when you are in a switch BDSM relationship. That text she sent tickled my panty hamster. You have to know your own rules with your partner. No matter which fetish or kink you and your partner play out, arousal is your ultimate goal. 

I have received demands from my dom that made my eyes roll in the back of my head. I didn’t think it was possible to become so aroused from reading the things my dom wanted to do to me. Occasionally mixing it up between telling your sub to please themselves and sending proof. Being in control as a dom over text is like letting your sub read a heavy romance novel about themselves. The turn-on is more than just arousal, it’s a “take care of me now” feeling of urgency.

When I think about it, the lack of communication and guidelines is the only downfall in a texting situation. Yea, maybe a couple of my kinky pictures were found by accident by co-workers or friends, but that’s the risk you have to take if you don’t have a separate, more secure messaging app. 


Final Thoughts

Demanding your sub to obey you even when you are not physically with them will keep your relationship on the right path to a successful and oh-so-satisfying BDSM sex. Sexting throughout the day is very arousing foreplay.

If the chemistry with your sub is hot, steamy, and downright dirty, why haven’t you sent your sub that punishing sext yet?!


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